follow

fol·low

[fol-oh] Show IPA

verb (used with object)

1.

to come after in sequence, order of time, etc.

2.

to go or come after; move behind in the same direction.

3.

to accept as a guide or leader; accept the authority of or give allegiance to.

4.

to conform to, comply with, or act in accordance with; obey: to follow orders; to follow advice.

5.

to imitate or copy; use as an exemplar.

Friends. I've realized something lately.

People have an equal desire to follow, and be followed. 

I don't think that's a very good thing.

I'm amazed at the influence of Instagram, and Facebook...not to mention the other 100,000 social media sites available to us today. I myself am a fan. The way we're able to connect, and communicate instantly...it's a fascinating thing. However, there are some negatives that come along with that technological miracle. I've noticed them more and more lately, and they concern me. Especially when I try to imagine what I'll have to raise my children around.

There seems to be this deep-rooted want and need to be noticed...to be watched..to be accounted for. We're all in the pursuit of being self-made celebrities. Our main accomplishments being our artsy "selfies" and apathetic "hash-tags." Quantity over-rides quality as we celebrate having hundreds of "friends" and "followers" who we don't even know. Self-confidence and assurance come from an alternate reality..."I've been liked today, so clearly, I'm on cloud nine." 

We sacrifice some beautiful things granted to us here in mortality when we succumb to the strong influence of social media.

Creativity is stripped of courage.

Is it against the rules to wear, say, do, believe, want, create, admire, become something if I haven't already seen it done? If I haven't come across it through my hours of scrolling, it must be too outlandish. What a fool I'd be to go out on this limb. 

I find it sad that a fear of not receiving "likes" limits our ability to live. Can we not be content in being the only person who loves something? Are we no longer courageous enough to be original?

Genuine relationships are few-and-far-between.

Are we as honest in person, as we are in front of an electronic?  What is it about that blue haze that allows us to be bold? Real relationships take effort. They take vulnerability. Time. Selflessness. Kindness. If we flirt with the idea of a relationship through the internet, we don't have to give these things away. We can hold fast to them because they provide us protection against rejection. If we give them away, suddenly we're revealed. 

Interesting that all we want is to be seen, but the fear of truly being seen, revealed, discovered...

 it terrifies and cripples us.

How can that be?  

The inner-strength born from being a leader is lost when we're constantly looking over our shoulder. 

What happens if we're not followed? What happens if we're not liked? Would we continue walking the path we're on? Would we stick to our beliefs, hobbies, skills, and styles if they made us fall behind on the popularity charts? What means more to us...being true self, or being true to what people want to see? If it's the latter, it doesn't matter how epic a night you had, how chill your filter is, how hilarious the video is that you just shared...the satisfaction born from "followers" and "likes" will never amount to the fierce happiness that comes from standing alone. From being real. Being you. 

So. Advice to myself. And mankind, if interested:

When you find beauty in that sunset, instead of whipping out your phone to get an insta going, turn to the stranger to your left and share it with them. 

Have a conversation. 

Create a human connection. 

Embrace and live that moment, instead of quickly documenting it away as a memory. 

Add new friends daily that you meet on the street.

Let your idea of art inspire you. 

Let it guide you to new passions, new places, new people. That's the purpose of art anyway; it's the catalyst of human emotion...it's meant to accelerate life, not stunt it by morphing everything and everyone into one trending genre. 

Have a stronger desire to lead, then to be led. 

lead

¹ [leed] Show IPA verb, led, lead·ing, noun, adjective

verb (used with object)

1.

to go before or with to show the way; conduct or escort.

2.

to conduct by holding and guiding.

3.

to influence or induce; cause.

4.

to guide in direction, course, action, opinion, etc.

Move forward. Lead and live your life. 

Don't waste it hitting the refresh button.

Besides, there's only one person we should be following anyway.
His name is Jesus Christ.

  
xo//birdy

sunny love

what up spring fever.
a few thoughts on this sweet thing we like to call dating.
the slc temple played hostess to my friend and me this afternoon. we walked and talked and drank in the sun.
we discussed our dating lives. what he wants. what i want. what we feel. what we don't understand.
i quickly realized just how silly we all are. how complicated we make things.
our minds play the worst tricks on us when we discover the courage to admit that we admire another person.
suddenly, getting closer to this wonderful individual is synonymous to climbing mt. timp in flip flops.
why?
fear is honestly the root of all things lame in my life. dating included.
i fear rejection. i fear being vulnerable. i fear repeating my past. i fear misunderstanding how i feel. i fear misunderstanding how they feel. i fear changing into a mold of what someone else wants. i fear not being able to open up. i fear them not being able to handle my wildness. i fear losing dear friends. i fear things moving too fast.
i fear deciding. i fear regretting. i fear committing.
no matter who you are, or how awesome you feel, everyone has apprehensions when it comes to dating.
pretty dumb though.
real dumb.
here's the thing folks. all i want, and really, all anyone wants, is that perfect pally who you find beautiful inside and out.
someone to go on adventures with. someone to try new things with. someone to "laugh til you die" with. someone who just gets you. someone who brings out the hyper in you. someone who loves not only you, but your family as well.
nothing too serious. nothing too intense.
if things develop, right on.
if not, lets enjoy the good times.
with spring around the corner, you can tangibly feel people reaching out to one another. making memories, wanting to make some more.
pretty fun.
i'm making a pledge to myself that i'm going to let my fears melt away with the snow.
how? i dunno. just gonna give my best effort to be crazy silly out-there from the get-go. try it with me?
swell.

enjoy love in the sun dear friends.
if you're with your person already, be patient, forgiving, and kind.
if you're still lookin for them, search with your ray bans on :)

-h

ps// "dating is the bane of my existence." courtney honka.

well...that was fun.

guess what lovies? i served a mission.
it's over.
weird.
leaving florida was the hardest thing i've ever done. elder shelley and sister poulsen know...they witnessed this little girl's breakdown.
my family certainly pieced my heart back together. props to pops for being a worthy Priesthood holder. he helped me keep it together.
...in reality, He helped me...
always has, always will.
since being back, i've been asked appx. 30,000 times "so what are you doing now? what are your plans?"
not gonna lie, it started getting on my nerves. but, after my studies this morning, i learned something which totes changed my perspective.
having everyone talk to me about my life and my progress has kept me on my toes. it provides me a measure of motivation to keep growing, to keep moving. that constant inquisition has been the catalyst of my daily fight.
but...the attention that an rm receives only lasts x amount of months...so who pushes you when the questioning stops?
the spirit.
if we're worthy of His daily guidance, His input, His steady stream of "what's your plan," we're able to find the wherewithal to take the next step. often times, a new step.
gave me a stronger desire to stay worthy of His companionship. nothing scarier to me than a stagnant life...seriously don't want to morph into that once the mish hype is dead.
so onward to consistent righteousness.

now...what the heck am i doing? got job at welfare square. it's a dream. a hilarious dream. i love the people, and working for the Lord promises a satisfying day every day. still in the process of figuring out school. it's hard to know exactly where i need to be. i'll keep you posted. wednesday night is temple night with my epic mission trainer shannon durr. always a highlight. and the weekends...bwahaha...the weekends have been good to me. terrific times with my homies, dating, partying, dating, and more dating.
i've seriously never gone on so many dates in my entire life. before the mish, i simply was not a fan. said no a lot. i'm learning to enjoy it...it can be confusing though.
went to the City Creek YSA Ward on sunday. pretty awesome. more diverse than provo wards. many different races, cultures, languages...converts...variety of ages. i loved it. that's the beauty of living in the city. such a melting pot. lots of missionary opportunities. we meet at lds business college. sweet views :)

my family is so wonderful.
my dad is incredible at KSLTV/DESERET NEWS. the main reason? his career isn't based on what he does...it's based on who he is. inspiring.
my mom is terrific. she's the personal stylist for the news anchor ladies. pretty rad. she's also a genius. and just as silly as me. i love it.
syd and adam are such devoted little parents. they're naturals. jack adores mommy and daddy. i can only imagine when i'm a mother...formula powder all over me, unkempt hair, spit-up on my neck, screaming baby in my arms.
yikes.
they're amazing though. they teach me :)
cal is being a boss in provo. his job is super tiring, but he gives it his all day in, day out. he's one of the hardest working people i know. legend.
and then me. little old me. surviving the real world, real boys, and real cold weather. i'm certainly a work in progress, but i've got a smile on.

random:
-i forgot how obsessed i am with music.
-the 49ers gave me an anxiety attack.
-i like watching people stare at my florida bug bite scars. and by like, i mean dislike.
-talking on the phone with my converts makes me quietly emotional. everytime.
-i hate tv.
-i adore my nephew

"...life is good if we live in such a way to make it so. Believing, desiring, deciding, and choosing correctly are the simple actions that define an increase in happiness and an increase in the inner assurance that transcends this life." -Benjamin De Hoyos

be happy, crazy, and brave.

xo, birdy

"...i love you. see ya, bye."

i'm getting good at enjoying my "lasts."
last hurrah with friends, last time playing soccer with kathryn, last night at sue's, last night in provo, last laugh with someone, last cry with someone else.
i hate them, but looking back, i've learned to love them. so i'm sure i'll be able to love this at some point...
the last blogadog post.
the past few weeks have been more intense than the past few years.
why? too many reasons to explain. some, too personal to share. but i can say that they all stem from those same three constants in my life:
my testimony, my family, and my dear, dear friends.
they're always the origin for my personal growth; the perspective i gain, the knowledge i absorb, the compassion i discover.
to say that i'm thankful doesn't work. i'm thankful for toothpaste. i'm thankful for snooze buttons. no, my gratitude for these three things is deeper than a word. i owe my all to them. every success, every achievement. every remarkable experience in my history was brought to fruition through them. and every hope i have for my future is in place because of them.
as june 22nd gets closer, i'm able to stay poised knowing that these three things will always be there. no matter what.

sure, there are things that i'll miss.

seeing courtney's toothbrush sitting on my counter, sitting on claire and maddies' beds talking about our non-existent love lives, hearing elizabeth call my name, saying nonsense words to adam and hayley, spending hours laughing with janey and anders, nodding along while drew and konnor make fun of me, dying at how pathetic my life is while talking to sydney, explaining why i'm laughing after i look up from a text from calvin, answering the phone 4 times a day, knowing it's either my mom or dad, the beautiful sound of silence when you're outside all by yourself.

but there are things i look forward to.

the vulnerability that forces you to open up to strangers, the exhaustion that shows you how hard you've worked, the sincere tears in a persons' eyes that quietly confirm gratitude, the natural high brought about through effective studying, scars on your feet that mark how far you've walked, defeat that shows you've at least tried, hysterical laughter that comes when you ask your companion "WHAT AM I DOING," the moment when everything you've been taught, everything you've studied, simply becomes second nature.

good times in store. rough times in store. if you have a little time to spare, write me a letter. tell me what you're up to. i need to hear that the people i love are happy. it sustains me.
you'll be in my prayers. you'll be on my mind.

see you in 2012.
i love you, see ya bye
h.

Whole foods

Sitting with my dad at whole foods in slc right now.

On the table: bagels and cream cheese, iPad, wallet, keys.

On our minds: mission stories, family, memories, the future.

Does it get any better? No.

Will I remember this forever? Yes.

some things i don't understand.

why do i try so hard to be girly and paint my nails when they just chip after two hours?
why do people stare at cafe rio?
why is it that the more i learn, the more i realize how much i don't know?
why does it take me so long to fall asleep?
why do i wait until i'm completely out of toiletries to then buy more?
why do people still smoke cigarettes?
why is provo so obsessed with trends?...cupcakes, frozen yogurt..
why am i so bad at blogging?
why doesn't the state of utah recycle?
we always try to show strangers our best selves, and then revert to our flawed, lazy everyday lives; don't we deserve our best selves daily?
why didn't i get braces?
why do people leave voicemails saying "call me back"...i see that you called..i will call you back.
why does the weather affect my mood so severely?
why do i write all my missionaries letters and NEVER send them?
why did we have to learn cursive?
why do i get such satisfaction out of finding new, unknown music?
why is rejection so dang scary? what the heck do i have to lose?
why do i have so much more fun when i'm in sweats and a tee than when i'm all done up?
why don't i always wear my glasses?...it's nice to realize who i'm waving to.
why do some mormons swear?
why is it that the more weddings i go to, the more i just want to elope?
why do i get my best sleep when i'm laying flat on the floor like a 3 yr old?
why is it impossible for me to speak without abbreviations and accents?
why do i feel like i'm going to have no friends when i come home from the mission?

...

...there's a lot more where that came from...

one month from today, i'll be sittin in the mtc with a goofy orange sticker on my name tag.
i don't want to deal with goodbyes. i might just sneak my way out of provo.
i'll probably never see my people again anyway, so....no harm no foul, right? they'll be busy with their spouses and babies. so we're good.

that's all i got.
xo, h.

la vie que je mene.

Meet one of my new roomies.

Her name is Elizabeth.

We're best friends.

I found a new apt earlier this month, but, well...turns out I found the only drug-addict mother in Provo, UT. So I got outta that contract right quick and moved in with the coolest family I know.

The Wynns :)

Dr. Greg Wynn

Suepie

Adam

Hayley

Scottie

Kathryn

& Elizabeth.

Needless to say, life is a little too perfect right now. We play all day long. The girls sleep in my room and tell me their secrets. Sue and I are twins. Dr. Greg and I joke about work. I tease Adam about girls. Helped him get ready for his first dance tonight. Tied his bowtie.

Hangin with my lil cousins makes me beyond excited to have kids. I watch Sue, and see how hard it is just to maintain sanity, but the rewards are overwhelming. Her kids love her so. much.

My work schedule is getting a little outta hand lately. I live in scrubs. I speak in permanent baby voice. The anxious mothers who come in talk to me like we're friends now. Like we can relate. Bad news: I'm not married..I don't have kids..but glad I can comfort them while they vent.

My social life is a joke, but I'm kind of loving it that way. My friends are all mad at me. But..they'll forget all about my existence in approximately 2 months anyway.

Oh did I mention that yet...? Orlando, Florida :) Sunshine State. My companions and I will be biking, sweating, laughing, crying. But most importantly, we'll be giving the Lord our best effort to change the lives of those we meet. We'll be opening our hearts to strangers, hoping they return the favor. Am I scared? No doubt. Am I worried? Not at all. I know Heavenly Father loves me...He doesn't want me to look like a fool. It's going to be impossibly difficult, but He'll make it worth it.

Did a little shopping for mission clothes...hated it. There are certain things that you need to do with your mother:

Learning how to shave your legs

Deciding when to start tweezing your eyebrows

Picking your first day of school outfit

SHOPPING FOR MISSION CLOTHES

Deciding if a boy is 'thee' boy

Picking your wedding dress..

etc.

I need my momma. Visit?

Random:

I stayed home and watched Tangled tonight instead of going to a huge 90's party. Not even mad about it.

It's snowing outside. I could probably cry.

The Warriors beat the Lakers. Enough said.

The Giants are back. They're always the good part of my day.

I can't remember the last time my socks matched. Why?

I still want to invent new packaging for cheese. Dad, I'm serious...I WILL change the world one day.

After 21 years, I finally tried a pear. My life continues to lack mystery.

My list of things to do before I die keeps getting bigger and bigger. A good thing, or a bad thing?

Deuces

xo//xo