"...i love you. see ya, bye."

i'm getting good at enjoying my "lasts."
last hurrah with friends, last time playing soccer with kathryn, last night at sue's, last night in provo, last laugh with someone, last cry with someone else.
i hate them, but looking back, i've learned to love them. so i'm sure i'll be able to love this at some point...
the last blogadog post.
the past few weeks have been more intense than the past few years.
why? too many reasons to explain. some, too personal to share. but i can say that they all stem from those same three constants in my life:
my testimony, my family, and my dear, dear friends.
they're always the origin for my personal growth; the perspective i gain, the knowledge i absorb, the compassion i discover.
to say that i'm thankful doesn't work. i'm thankful for toothpaste. i'm thankful for snooze buttons. no, my gratitude for these three things is deeper than a word. i owe my all to them. every success, every achievement. every remarkable experience in my history was brought to fruition through them. and every hope i have for my future is in place because of them.
as june 22nd gets closer, i'm able to stay poised knowing that these three things will always be there. no matter what.

sure, there are things that i'll miss.

seeing courtney's toothbrush sitting on my counter, sitting on claire and maddies' beds talking about our non-existent love lives, hearing elizabeth call my name, saying nonsense words to adam and hayley, spending hours laughing with janey and anders, nodding along while drew and konnor make fun of me, dying at how pathetic my life is while talking to sydney, explaining why i'm laughing after i look up from a text from calvin, answering the phone 4 times a day, knowing it's either my mom or dad, the beautiful sound of silence when you're outside all by yourself.

but there are things i look forward to.

the vulnerability that forces you to open up to strangers, the exhaustion that shows you how hard you've worked, the sincere tears in a persons' eyes that quietly confirm gratitude, the natural high brought about through effective studying, scars on your feet that mark how far you've walked, defeat that shows you've at least tried, hysterical laughter that comes when you ask your companion "WHAT AM I DOING," the moment when everything you've been taught, everything you've studied, simply becomes second nature.

good times in store. rough times in store. if you have a little time to spare, write me a letter. tell me what you're up to. i need to hear that the people i love are happy. it sustains me.
you'll be in my prayers. you'll be on my mind.

see you in 2012.
i love you, see ya bye
h.