follow

fol·low

[fol-oh] Show IPA

verb (used with object)

1.

to come after in sequence, order of time, etc.

2.

to go or come after; move behind in the same direction.

3.

to accept as a guide or leader; accept the authority of or give allegiance to.

4.

to conform to, comply with, or act in accordance with; obey: to follow orders; to follow advice.

5.

to imitate or copy; use as an exemplar.

Friends. I've realized something lately.

People have an equal desire to follow, and be followed. 

I don't think that's a very good thing.

I'm amazed at the influence of Instagram, and Facebook...not to mention the other 100,000 social media sites available to us today. I myself am a fan. The way we're able to connect, and communicate instantly...it's a fascinating thing. However, there are some negatives that come along with that technological miracle. I've noticed them more and more lately, and they concern me. Especially when I try to imagine what I'll have to raise my children around.

There seems to be this deep-rooted want and need to be noticed...to be watched..to be accounted for. We're all in the pursuit of being self-made celebrities. Our main accomplishments being our artsy "selfies" and apathetic "hash-tags." Quantity over-rides quality as we celebrate having hundreds of "friends" and "followers" who we don't even know. Self-confidence and assurance come from an alternate reality..."I've been liked today, so clearly, I'm on cloud nine." 

We sacrifice some beautiful things granted to us here in mortality when we succumb to the strong influence of social media.

Creativity is stripped of courage.

Is it against the rules to wear, say, do, believe, want, create, admire, become something if I haven't already seen it done? If I haven't come across it through my hours of scrolling, it must be too outlandish. What a fool I'd be to go out on this limb. 

I find it sad that a fear of not receiving "likes" limits our ability to live. Can we not be content in being the only person who loves something? Are we no longer courageous enough to be original?

Genuine relationships are few-and-far-between.

Are we as honest in person, as we are in front of an electronic?  What is it about that blue haze that allows us to be bold? Real relationships take effort. They take vulnerability. Time. Selflessness. Kindness. If we flirt with the idea of a relationship through the internet, we don't have to give these things away. We can hold fast to them because they provide us protection against rejection. If we give them away, suddenly we're revealed. 

Interesting that all we want is to be seen, but the fear of truly being seen, revealed, discovered...

 it terrifies and cripples us.

How can that be?  

The inner-strength born from being a leader is lost when we're constantly looking over our shoulder. 

What happens if we're not followed? What happens if we're not liked? Would we continue walking the path we're on? Would we stick to our beliefs, hobbies, skills, and styles if they made us fall behind on the popularity charts? What means more to us...being true self, or being true to what people want to see? If it's the latter, it doesn't matter how epic a night you had, how chill your filter is, how hilarious the video is that you just shared...the satisfaction born from "followers" and "likes" will never amount to the fierce happiness that comes from standing alone. From being real. Being you. 

So. Advice to myself. And mankind, if interested:

When you find beauty in that sunset, instead of whipping out your phone to get an insta going, turn to the stranger to your left and share it with them. 

Have a conversation. 

Create a human connection. 

Embrace and live that moment, instead of quickly documenting it away as a memory. 

Add new friends daily that you meet on the street.

Let your idea of art inspire you. 

Let it guide you to new passions, new places, new people. That's the purpose of art anyway; it's the catalyst of human emotion...it's meant to accelerate life, not stunt it by morphing everything and everyone into one trending genre. 

Have a stronger desire to lead, then to be led. 

lead

¹ [leed] Show IPA verb, led, lead·ing, noun, adjective

verb (used with object)

1.

to go before or with to show the way; conduct or escort.

2.

to conduct by holding and guiding.

3.

to influence or induce; cause.

4.

to guide in direction, course, action, opinion, etc.

Move forward. Lead and live your life. 

Don't waste it hitting the refresh button.

Besides, there's only one person we should be following anyway.
His name is Jesus Christ.

  
xo//birdy

sunny love

what up spring fever.
a few thoughts on this sweet thing we like to call dating.
the slc temple played hostess to my friend and me this afternoon. we walked and talked and drank in the sun.
we discussed our dating lives. what he wants. what i want. what we feel. what we don't understand.
i quickly realized just how silly we all are. how complicated we make things.
our minds play the worst tricks on us when we discover the courage to admit that we admire another person.
suddenly, getting closer to this wonderful individual is synonymous to climbing mt. timp in flip flops.
why?
fear is honestly the root of all things lame in my life. dating included.
i fear rejection. i fear being vulnerable. i fear repeating my past. i fear misunderstanding how i feel. i fear misunderstanding how they feel. i fear changing into a mold of what someone else wants. i fear not being able to open up. i fear them not being able to handle my wildness. i fear losing dear friends. i fear things moving too fast.
i fear deciding. i fear regretting. i fear committing.
no matter who you are, or how awesome you feel, everyone has apprehensions when it comes to dating.
pretty dumb though.
real dumb.
here's the thing folks. all i want, and really, all anyone wants, is that perfect pally who you find beautiful inside and out.
someone to go on adventures with. someone to try new things with. someone to "laugh til you die" with. someone who just gets you. someone who brings out the hyper in you. someone who loves not only you, but your family as well.
nothing too serious. nothing too intense.
if things develop, right on.
if not, lets enjoy the good times.
with spring around the corner, you can tangibly feel people reaching out to one another. making memories, wanting to make some more.
pretty fun.
i'm making a pledge to myself that i'm going to let my fears melt away with the snow.
how? i dunno. just gonna give my best effort to be crazy silly out-there from the get-go. try it with me?
swell.

enjoy love in the sun dear friends.
if you're with your person already, be patient, forgiving, and kind.
if you're still lookin for them, search with your ray bans on :)

-h

ps// "dating is the bane of my existence." courtney honka.

well...that was fun.

guess what lovies? i served a mission.
it's over.
weird.
leaving florida was the hardest thing i've ever done. elder shelley and sister poulsen know...they witnessed this little girl's breakdown.
my family certainly pieced my heart back together. props to pops for being a worthy Priesthood holder. he helped me keep it together.
...in reality, He helped me...
always has, always will.
since being back, i've been asked appx. 30,000 times "so what are you doing now? what are your plans?"
not gonna lie, it started getting on my nerves. but, after my studies this morning, i learned something which totes changed my perspective.
having everyone talk to me about my life and my progress has kept me on my toes. it provides me a measure of motivation to keep growing, to keep moving. that constant inquisition has been the catalyst of my daily fight.
but...the attention that an rm receives only lasts x amount of months...so who pushes you when the questioning stops?
the spirit.
if we're worthy of His daily guidance, His input, His steady stream of "what's your plan," we're able to find the wherewithal to take the next step. often times, a new step.
gave me a stronger desire to stay worthy of His companionship. nothing scarier to me than a stagnant life...seriously don't want to morph into that once the mish hype is dead.
so onward to consistent righteousness.

now...what the heck am i doing? got job at welfare square. it's a dream. a hilarious dream. i love the people, and working for the Lord promises a satisfying day every day. still in the process of figuring out school. it's hard to know exactly where i need to be. i'll keep you posted. wednesday night is temple night with my epic mission trainer shannon durr. always a highlight. and the weekends...bwahaha...the weekends have been good to me. terrific times with my homies, dating, partying, dating, and more dating.
i've seriously never gone on so many dates in my entire life. before the mish, i simply was not a fan. said no a lot. i'm learning to enjoy it...it can be confusing though.
went to the City Creek YSA Ward on sunday. pretty awesome. more diverse than provo wards. many different races, cultures, languages...converts...variety of ages. i loved it. that's the beauty of living in the city. such a melting pot. lots of missionary opportunities. we meet at lds business college. sweet views :)

my family is so wonderful.
my dad is incredible at KSLTV/DESERET NEWS. the main reason? his career isn't based on what he does...it's based on who he is. inspiring.
my mom is terrific. she's the personal stylist for the news anchor ladies. pretty rad. she's also a genius. and just as silly as me. i love it.
syd and adam are such devoted little parents. they're naturals. jack adores mommy and daddy. i can only imagine when i'm a mother...formula powder all over me, unkempt hair, spit-up on my neck, screaming baby in my arms.
yikes.
they're amazing though. they teach me :)
cal is being a boss in provo. his job is super tiring, but he gives it his all day in, day out. he's one of the hardest working people i know. legend.
and then me. little old me. surviving the real world, real boys, and real cold weather. i'm certainly a work in progress, but i've got a smile on.

random:
-i forgot how obsessed i am with music.
-the 49ers gave me an anxiety attack.
-i like watching people stare at my florida bug bite scars. and by like, i mean dislike.
-talking on the phone with my converts makes me quietly emotional. everytime.
-i hate tv.
-i adore my nephew

"...life is good if we live in such a way to make it so. Believing, desiring, deciding, and choosing correctly are the simple actions that define an increase in happiness and an increase in the inner assurance that transcends this life." -Benjamin De Hoyos

be happy, crazy, and brave.

xo, birdy

"...i love you. see ya, bye."

i'm getting good at enjoying my "lasts."
last hurrah with friends, last time playing soccer with kathryn, last night at sue's, last night in provo, last laugh with someone, last cry with someone else.
i hate them, but looking back, i've learned to love them. so i'm sure i'll be able to love this at some point...
the last blogadog post.
the past few weeks have been more intense than the past few years.
why? too many reasons to explain. some, too personal to share. but i can say that they all stem from those same three constants in my life:
my testimony, my family, and my dear, dear friends.
they're always the origin for my personal growth; the perspective i gain, the knowledge i absorb, the compassion i discover.
to say that i'm thankful doesn't work. i'm thankful for toothpaste. i'm thankful for snooze buttons. no, my gratitude for these three things is deeper than a word. i owe my all to them. every success, every achievement. every remarkable experience in my history was brought to fruition through them. and every hope i have for my future is in place because of them.
as june 22nd gets closer, i'm able to stay poised knowing that these three things will always be there. no matter what.

sure, there are things that i'll miss.

seeing courtney's toothbrush sitting on my counter, sitting on claire and maddies' beds talking about our non-existent love lives, hearing elizabeth call my name, saying nonsense words to adam and hayley, spending hours laughing with janey and anders, nodding along while drew and konnor make fun of me, dying at how pathetic my life is while talking to sydney, explaining why i'm laughing after i look up from a text from calvin, answering the phone 4 times a day, knowing it's either my mom or dad, the beautiful sound of silence when you're outside all by yourself.

but there are things i look forward to.

the vulnerability that forces you to open up to strangers, the exhaustion that shows you how hard you've worked, the sincere tears in a persons' eyes that quietly confirm gratitude, the natural high brought about through effective studying, scars on your feet that mark how far you've walked, defeat that shows you've at least tried, hysterical laughter that comes when you ask your companion "WHAT AM I DOING," the moment when everything you've been taught, everything you've studied, simply becomes second nature.

good times in store. rough times in store. if you have a little time to spare, write me a letter. tell me what you're up to. i need to hear that the people i love are happy. it sustains me.
you'll be in my prayers. you'll be on my mind.

see you in 2012.
i love you, see ya bye
h.

Whole foods

Sitting with my dad at whole foods in slc right now.

On the table: bagels and cream cheese, iPad, wallet, keys.

On our minds: mission stories, family, memories, the future.

Does it get any better? No.

Will I remember this forever? Yes.

some things i don't understand.

why do i try so hard to be girly and paint my nails when they just chip after two hours?
why do people stare at cafe rio?
why is it that the more i learn, the more i realize how much i don't know?
why does it take me so long to fall asleep?
why do i wait until i'm completely out of toiletries to then buy more?
why do people still smoke cigarettes?
why is provo so obsessed with trends?...cupcakes, frozen yogurt..
why am i so bad at blogging?
why doesn't the state of utah recycle?
we always try to show strangers our best selves, and then revert to our flawed, lazy everyday lives; don't we deserve our best selves daily?
why didn't i get braces?
why do people leave voicemails saying "call me back"...i see that you called..i will call you back.
why does the weather affect my mood so severely?
why do i write all my missionaries letters and NEVER send them?
why did we have to learn cursive?
why do i get such satisfaction out of finding new, unknown music?
why is rejection so dang scary? what the heck do i have to lose?
why do i have so much more fun when i'm in sweats and a tee than when i'm all done up?
why don't i always wear my glasses?...it's nice to realize who i'm waving to.
why do some mormons swear?
why is it that the more weddings i go to, the more i just want to elope?
why do i get my best sleep when i'm laying flat on the floor like a 3 yr old?
why is it impossible for me to speak without abbreviations and accents?
why do i feel like i'm going to have no friends when i come home from the mission?

...

...there's a lot more where that came from...

one month from today, i'll be sittin in the mtc with a goofy orange sticker on my name tag.
i don't want to deal with goodbyes. i might just sneak my way out of provo.
i'll probably never see my people again anyway, so....no harm no foul, right? they'll be busy with their spouses and babies. so we're good.

that's all i got.
xo, h.

la vie que je mene.

Meet one of my new roomies.

Her name is Elizabeth.

We're best friends.

I found a new apt earlier this month, but, well...turns out I found the only drug-addict mother in Provo, UT. So I got outta that contract right quick and moved in with the coolest family I know.

The Wynns :)

Dr. Greg Wynn

Suepie

Adam

Hayley

Scottie

Kathryn

& Elizabeth.

Needless to say, life is a little too perfect right now. We play all day long. The girls sleep in my room and tell me their secrets. Sue and I are twins. Dr. Greg and I joke about work. I tease Adam about girls. Helped him get ready for his first dance tonight. Tied his bowtie.

Hangin with my lil cousins makes me beyond excited to have kids. I watch Sue, and see how hard it is just to maintain sanity, but the rewards are overwhelming. Her kids love her so. much.

My work schedule is getting a little outta hand lately. I live in scrubs. I speak in permanent baby voice. The anxious mothers who come in talk to me like we're friends now. Like we can relate. Bad news: I'm not married..I don't have kids..but glad I can comfort them while they vent.

My social life is a joke, but I'm kind of loving it that way. My friends are all mad at me. But..they'll forget all about my existence in approximately 2 months anyway.

Oh did I mention that yet...? Orlando, Florida :) Sunshine State. My companions and I will be biking, sweating, laughing, crying. But most importantly, we'll be giving the Lord our best effort to change the lives of those we meet. We'll be opening our hearts to strangers, hoping they return the favor. Am I scared? No doubt. Am I worried? Not at all. I know Heavenly Father loves me...He doesn't want me to look like a fool. It's going to be impossibly difficult, but He'll make it worth it.

Did a little shopping for mission clothes...hated it. There are certain things that you need to do with your mother:

Learning how to shave your legs

Deciding when to start tweezing your eyebrows

Picking your first day of school outfit

SHOPPING FOR MISSION CLOTHES

Deciding if a boy is 'thee' boy

Picking your wedding dress..

etc.

I need my momma. Visit?

Random:

I stayed home and watched Tangled tonight instead of going to a huge 90's party. Not even mad about it.

It's snowing outside. I could probably cry.

The Warriors beat the Lakers. Enough said.

The Giants are back. They're always the good part of my day.

I can't remember the last time my socks matched. Why?

I still want to invent new packaging for cheese. Dad, I'm serious...I WILL change the world one day.

After 21 years, I finally tried a pear. My life continues to lack mystery.

My list of things to do before I die keeps getting bigger and bigger. A good thing, or a bad thing?

Deuces

xo//xo

the highlight reel.

wisdom teeth: out.

i got lucky. didn't really swell. didn't really hurt. i feel like i paid $200.00 to remove 4 teeth, and the other $700.00 went toward the stories i got out of it.

they're worth

every. penny.

best friend: reunited.

brandy stubbs flew in from mississippi to watch her older brother doug get married this past weekend.

the wedding was a nice side note to our idiotic adventures in slc.

sitting in the park, getting lost with the sunroof open, parking in front of fire hydrants and thanking the Lord the cops didn't notice.

snuggling in bed, laughing at nothing, crying at something.

i've missed my person.

lil sis: in love with.

meet brooke. brandy's little sister. she is beautiful, talented, hilarious.

already a heart-breaker.

good girl :)

youngins: all growed up.

my sr lovers. so many memories. so much history. a marriage, a baby on the way, a mission call, and an engaged man. we've come a long....long........lonnnnnggg way.

proud of all of us.

honka: a necessity.

she keeps me focused. she sees me without my flaws. she gives me perspective when i'm grumpy, strength when i'm over it, and reality checks when i'm dreamin with a broken heart.

thanks for being my babysitter.

tomorrow i'm meeting my soulmate.

it's the mailman.

he don't know it yet, be we're in love.

xo//xo

h

times like these

i have a lot of friends. close friends. we know everything about each other, we discuss, analyze, and share ev er y thing. but i only realized lately that i do a lot of listening and advice giving and not a lot of advice receiving. not sure why that is.

cause sometimes...like tonight...i really need it.

and that's why i'm thankful for my sweetheart courtney honka.

the past two days have been awful. impossible. an intense test of my faith. i'll share the list of issues i faced soon...

but at the end of the day:

my interview is over

my papers are in

and while it's impossible to describe how thoroughly happy i feel, it's equally impossible to share how powerful satan is.

i'm instantly thinking i'm not cut out for this. i'm not spiritual enough. the most amazing people i know AREN'T going on missions, what does that tell me..?

all such stupid thoughts. all coating the back of my mind.

and then...

"don't let yourself have those thoughts or get discouraged or down about it...its the right decision for you, you know that, the Lord has told you, and although satan's provided obstacles and tried to prohibit you, the Lord has made it possible and provided a way for you to get everything done you need to and tomorrow is the last big step! He loves you, there are soo many things that prove it! He wants you out in the field on His side fighting for the right and against satan. You're more an example than you know hannah bird, don't be afraid of being completely amazing."

what would i do without my people? not much.

thank you to everyone who has helped me reach the potential Heavenly Father has designed for me. the smallest most pointless gestures have truly made all the difference.

i know it sounds dramatic, and sappy, but im not good at expressing myself when it comes to overwhelming love.

and that's what i'm feeling.

just know that if you're in my life, it's because i need you in my life.

so stay.

surgery in t-minus 8 hours. sleepytime.

♥bird

...and then there were six...

meet a boy. act silly. fall in love. fall away. grow up. show up. make decisions. make it work. say yes. say forever.

♥

seems simple enough. can't wait for my turn.

it really was the perfect wedding. no disasters, heartbreak, disappointment, or regret.

sure, it wasn't 75 degrees and sunny, but hey, rain on the wedding day is good luck, right?

i feel like weddings are successful when it's easy to see that a marriage will be successful.

syd and adam carry with them an obvious strength. both key children of our Heavenly Father. dedicated, independent, humble, selfless.

they put the Lord first in all that they do, and truly, that's the main thing that makes a marriage work.

proud to be related to such a force.

can't wait for my titan nieces and nephews.

best news of the day: they're moving here in a week. never been so excited to be a third wheel.

in other news...

i should get my call in about two weeks. strangely enough, the closer it gets, the calmer i feel.

it's an amazing feeling, when your expectations match reality.

it refreshes your life. clears your mind.

lets all kinds of inspiration pour through.

my gratitude to the Lord is overwhelming lately...just to be blessed with the opportunity to serve.

for the guidance i've received through the entire preparation process.

it's almost too much to handle. i don't deserve it.

..here's to the best 18 months of my life..

xo//xo

h

ps: the innocent sister i once had. now she's a smelly old wife.

bisous!

finished.

Oh hey, check it out, i'm a missionary...

...i wish.

BUT...my papers are 100% completed. Having that stress lifted off my shoulders is an amazing feeling. I nearly started crying at the dentist today. Kind of embarrassing, but kind of awesome. It's nice living in Provo...you don't have to explain yourself as much, especially when it comes to feeling the Spirit at bizarre times of the day. I hate that I don't keep a daily journal because the number of blessings I've received these past few months is astonishing.

Heavenly Father knows me so well. He knows what I feel, think, dream about...He knows what I want out of life, and what I think I deserve. He knows what I need, knows how to help, knows when I can stand a little struggle. He's definitely thrown me a few curve balls, but He understands that that's when I do my best learning...when I have to adapt and make a new plan.

I also gotta say how thankful I am for personal revelation. If i didn't feel the importance and need of me serving a mission, there's no WAY I'd be going. It's been such a steep climb to get to where I am...ignoring all of it would have been so much easier.

But I know I have to go.

I'm nervous for the unknown, but not at all fearful. That's what keeps me going.

We're down to 10 days til the wedding. BUT before we celebrate that, we must focus on the SOCIAL EVENT OF THE YEAR.

SIR DOUGLAS & HIS DAY OF BIRTH.

Trust me people. It's gunna be wild.

I can already see the scrabble chips flying around, frosting all stuck up in mustaches....

Go crazy baby.

Randoms:

-I hope my dress for the wedding still fits. I just ate a whole sea's worth of sushi.

-I wish I was Mary Poppins. I have laundry for days.

-Silent, unseen patches of ice seem to always find me.

-Kind of irritated that I got my facebook back. It's a joke.

-Jimmer

♥bird

sydahney.

This little one came to visit me this weekend.

Let me tell you something about Ms. Sydney Anne.

She is in love. Not cute texts, obsessively affectionate, baby-talk love.

I mean the kind of love that makes her face brighter. The kind of love that gives her a perma-smile. The kind of love that's not only worthy of the temple, but it belongs in the temple.

No one is more deserving of this type of happiness than Syd. She's put in her time, trust me.

Watching this blessing grow in her life makes me so excited to eventually find my person.

It's amazing how beautiful love is when it's right.

I threw her a bridal shower with our friend Kara on Saturday. It was perfect. About 30 wonderful ladies came to support the bride-to-be, 20 of which were sisters from her mission. The strength and spirit they carry is tangible. I loved being around them. Sadly that sweet spirit was ruined when gift-opening time arrived. Barf-on-my-shoes.

Being the made of honor, I wrote down what she received from each of our guests, aiding the "thank you" card process....let's just just say I never want to write body paint, lube, or condoms, ever, EVER again.

I thought this would be fun...it's different when it's your sister. I'm terrified for when she throws me a shower. I'm going to hide in the closet.

Today is the sabbath, which seems to be one of the busiest days of the week. Got up at 5:30, went to church early for the Butterfields' (Syd's mission presidents) homecoming in South Jordan, went to their open house, drove to Provo in time for my meeting, got home-taught, went visiting teaching, planned a prank for my neighbors, (we're in the middle of a war...the guys are up by two..not ok), and then ward prayer and calling duties in an hour. What a perfect day of rest.

The wedding is in T-minus 20 days. Shoot.

I'm seriously going to be heartbroken if I can't figure out a way to kidnap a dentist and tape his stupid little knuckles to a pen.

Satan is a super talented guy, and it's driving me crazy. Oh well, it'll all work out. Ish.

That's all. I'm off to hunt down an expired fish. And a screwdriver. Wish me luck.

-h

"Utah Valley Pediatrics, this is Hannah..."

well hey.

catch up:

new job at the hospital; love it.

new home with new roommates; obsessed with it.

new goal; totally tackling it.

new brother-in-law; completely approve of it.

new hair; ya, i'm brunette now...nbd.

a lot more has happened and changed, but lets face it...you don't care.

i've been home alone for about two weeks now, with a brief intermission for a california christmas. if you know me well, you're aware of the fact that i adore good old fashioned alone time. i'm close to myself, i know what i like, more importantly, i know what i don't like...so i have a pretty good time on my own.

also, i'm single, so there's no one i have to answer to. i have a home, town, and life to myself this short while. and i won't lie, it's been awesome.

but.

being alone has awarded me some perspective on a life without loved ones.

say i didn't have a mother to call when i need to look busy while in an elevator with intimidating doctors.

say i didn't have a brother to text when i royally screw something up.

say i didn't have a sister to call and complain to when i hate everything and anything about life.

and say i didn't have a dad to run to when i realize just how small and helpless this 20 yr old girl really is.

what would you do? sure you have roommates, sure you have friends. but how far can they go to help? to the death like your family? absolutely not. and that's saying you're lucky enough to have selfless people around you daily.

if you lacked all aspects of a family in your life, i guarantee your wild, successful, bachelorette/bachelor lifestyle would be shadowed with a thin layer of sadness and longing. thin, making it difficult to identify.

so do yourself a favor and do what the Lord asks of us.

put your family before anything. put the goal of creating your family before anything.

pride, self-pity, jealousy, and anger have no place.

do away with them, and get close to your tribe, cause eternity is for freaking ever.

on a lighter note: i have 6 baby names picked out for myself already--middle name included.

embarrassing? yes. but more terrifying cause i'd have to have 6 kids to keep them all.

tragic.

i'm a little too in love with candles lately. feel a bit like i'm summoning my ancestors' spirits. mulan would totally be on board.

the holidays were pretty good this year. my family always surprises me at how funny they are. even if we weren't related, i'm positive i'd still be bff with syd and cal.

know any inexpensive dentists? that's the last step i take before i start sprinting.

that's all for now.

time for a steaming hot foot bath. i definitely stomped through shin-deep snow to get to my car after work. currently NOT feeling agreeable.

love etc.

Sunday

with syd being back, i have no one to write on sundays.

strangely i still have the urge to write/reflect on my life, so thank goodness for this silly thing.

i've had a good week.

followed some promptings, got mad blessings.

simple as that.

i have to move out of my apt the 20th and can't move into my new place til the 27th.

haha....ahhhhh ahahahah. aaahahahahah. this should be interesting.

i saw eat pray love yesterday.

oh man. i really wish i could spend time with liz. we speak the same language.

her life is an inspiration. the whole time while watching the movie, i was thinking, "man, if the missionaries got a hold of this woman, she could move mountains."

literally. she has energy, passion, vigor.

she's able to see how big she can become, yet remembering all the while how small she is.

a perfect balance of self confidence, and humility.

yea, i know it's just a movie based on a book. whatever.

it still forces you to take a look at your own crap.

what exactly do you do each day?

are you happy? are you even trying to find happiness?

if everyone in your life disappeared, would a "you" even remain? or are you so completely defined by those around you that you'd crumble in those first moments of desolation?

scary to think about.

for me, it changes day to day.

sometimes i feel the most powerful when i'm completely alone. sitting, walking, thinking. i'm very content in my own skin, in my own life, with my own relationship with my Heavenly Father. just as me. just hannah.

and then there are days when i'm with a sibling, or i'm talking to a parent on the phone, where i feel like i'm seven years old again...where if they left my side, i'd get scared, lost, and teary-eyed.

anyway....good thing we know what happens when we die.

someone tell liz.

there are some big things happening in my family right now. super exciting.

stressful, scary, but exciting.

it's way weird being two states away from those four freaks. i know for a fact that i'm supposed to be out here right now, but it does make me sad from time to time. especially with some of the changes that are rapidly taking place.

it's all good though. people are looking out for me...whether they know it or not.

one last thing from liz...and then i'll shut up. promise.

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master..." (ahem...Heavenly Father..)

i love that.

so here's to life:

all the difficult, impossible pain that makes us breath deeper, see clearer, and love stronger.

observe the struggle, respect the crap, and reflect on the scars.

oh, and eat 4 krispy kreme at 2am.

i may or may not have done that last night :)

♥bird

Go to the Mattresses.

I went to the lake yesterday.
It was pretty legit, I won't lie.
But OH DANG. Some kind of Satan-Voldemort hybrid mosquito has ripped me to shreds.
I've seriously never had bites this bad. They're about four inches in diameter, mega swollen, and they hurt like no ones business. Well, my business I guess. But still.
I'm slightly worried because where the actual bite is, it's black.
Uhhhhh.

In other news..

MY SISTER IS HOME. It's ok I guess...
She's hilarious. Brilliant. Strong. Gorgeous. Silly. And most importantly, mine.
I can't wait for the next few months. Excellent things in store. That's for sure.

Life's been slightly irritating lately.
Making decisions is the worst. I'm quickly realizing that it's key in character growth, and spiritual exercise. The whole good, better, and best thing. It forces us to see what's most important. It forces us to move forward with faith in spite of any fears we may or may not have.
It's scary though, huh?
I second guess everything. I analyze everything.
I have these goals and dreams, but the little steps and tasks KILL me in the process.
I've had a lot of friends over the years, and I've seen how the smallest decision can aid, or thwart their once-set plans. It's shocking how a misplaced nail can make the entire house crumble.
So for now, I'll try to be patient with my stupid, immature, dweeb of a mind.
Hopefully you can be too.

I did my nails for the first time in...I don't know. Forever? I feel mega-girly. They're red. It's weird.

Summer's about to go into hibernation. I'm not happy, Bob.
However, the idea of seeing all my people again is insanely exciting. There's something about fall that I think resonates with everyone.
The scenery is fresh, new beginnings are under-way, and let's not forget bouquets of freshly sharpened pencils.
It's boss.

The other day I helped little Jackson Wilde with his spelling words.
It was the highlight of my week.
I swear, I'm going to have a bagillion kids. I can't get enough of them. They say some seriously funny things. And I can't help but smile when I hangout with them.
Obviously, there are moments when I'm around a heinous toddler who's screaming at an inhumane decibel, where I think "OH. NEVER. NEVEERRRR."
But then I see them reach up and grab hold of their mothers' elbow as if it's the only thing that they want, and my mind changes to "That's the only thing I want."
I think it'll all work out.

That's about it.
Football's starting up soon. Happy.
Amazing things are at my fingertips. Anxious.
I'm proving myself to myself these days. Intimidating.
Just working hard isn't enough anymore. Game on.

This little lambs' becoming a lion :)

CTR lovers.

-h

finally.

this is what i've missed.

this is what i love.

♥

it's been a good week, people.

Ummmm

California is incredible.

...to be continued.

watch yourself.

i don't like being lied to.
blatant lies, white lies, or, my least favorite, half truths.
why do people feel comfortable lying to others? does it not occur to them that the truth can and will come to the surface?
plain and simple: don't lie.
the aftermath is embarrassing. and leaves you looking like a straight fool.
yes, you look like a fool.

...anyway...

the world cup was fantastic. our boys were inspiring. legends in the making, to say the least.
the outcomes reminded me of some of my high school games. the frantic energy that comes when you're looking at a "must-comeback" situation. that unmatched high that comes when you get the job done. you and your team, making it happen. making the impossible happen. it's a feeling i miss.
it's made me realize that i want to constantly live my life fueled with that emotion. my daily life. not just the moments where intensity and courage are required, but the moments where they're not even expected. where they seem almost foolish for showing up. cause the way i see it? every day can be seen as remarkable. as historic. as a story that i can not only remember to tell my kids, but i'll want to tell my kids. so hannah starts now. try it with me?

i'm really loving summer. i think i'm just happier over-all when the sun is shining on my face.
mosquitos bites on the other hand? not a fan. it's a life-long struggle. i went hot tubbing for fifteen minutes the other night, and left with about 7 bites.
war zone.

i've been trying to be more open to boys lately.
whoa, what?
yea. i know. weird.
if you know me, you know i'm not a fan of meeting/dating random people etc.
but yes. i'm trying.
so far, i find it exhausting. stressful. a bit on the annoying side, but still good i'd say.
i see these loud flirty girls all over the place, jumping from one guy to the next. how do they do it? how do they trust people so readily, and put themselves out there so easily?
i think i'm a pessimist at heart. i assume the worst from guys when i first meet them. it's wired into my brain that they'll hurt me, use me, or waste my time.
don't think that i'm rude...i've simply gained this knowledge through experience.
so the game plan: make new experiences so that the old ones become obsolete.
or something like that.
whatever.

in twelve days, i'll be home in california. in thirteen days, i'll be home in california with mom, dad, syd, and cal. all {five} of us. unreal? yes. the youngest of the wilks couldn't be happier about this. do you guys understand how funny the four of them are? a wilks family dinner is like last comic standing. minus some painfully bad one-liners and the over priced judges. but keep the good lighting. chistiana has good taste in lamps.
they really are amazing.
and i love that i can say "if you know them, you know me"
how many people can say that? or would want to say that?
hannah bird wilks lucked out in heaven.

one more thing...
being nice to everyone makes you powerful.
so try it.
show some love. show some respect. show some humanity.
it builds muscle.
"Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well" -Voltaire.

-h

Change

Here's the issue at hand.
Courtney and I are both little homemakers.
This results in about 56,984 desserts a week.
We love to cook, bake etc.

Sure, this will be great when we have our little babies running around and we're making Sunday dinner for our sleepy husbands.

Until then: moderation.

So, here's our latest regime.
Drink: 1 gallon of water a day
Bake: only one dessert a week (on Sunday)
Eat: fruits and vegetables every single day
Exercise: every day of the week
Bedtime: no later than 1am
Wake:Up: 9am or earlier
Yoga: 3 times a week
Sauna: 2 times a week

So far, I'm in love with it. She is too.

I get to see my mom in a few days :)
This, is a good, good thing.
Especially because we'll be in Park City.
I don't know why, but I really love that place.
Reminds me of Napa I think.

Provo summer's are fabulous.
Here's a taste.
Just a taste though.
Moderation, baby ;)

Freedom Festival fireworks

Twins game in MN

Cali roadtrip...disastrous

4 Wilks in MN


ps - I saw "Killers" a few days ago. Pleasantly surprised.
Celtics - depressing :(
Soccer - yet again, proving to be the greatest sport known to man.

Time to drink more water.
♥u
h

M.I.A.

life: busy.
travels: too frequent.
sydney: 46 days.
honky: live-in friend.
hating: insomnia.
loving: tan skin.
craving: Screamin' Mimi's galaxy ice cream.

hmm.

also, i'm in love with this 'little kid summer' i got goin on.
aka badminton, bubbles, bike rides, and basketball are all too common these days.

k maybe it's a 'b summer'...?

i got a new phone. but of course it's givin me strugs. just like all technology.
i like it though :)

talked to my home bishop...papers can go in oct. 11.
so stoked.
a little nervski though.

(honks is currently brushing her teeth with an electric toothbrush...to me it just sounds like she's shaving her beard).

random: mayonnaise mask on your hair...15 minutes...it's magic.
gnarly random: avacado mask on your face...15 minutes...lethal hives. not cool.

life's perf right now.
if you're hating yours, go buy a water gun, frisbee, and a watermelon.
try to stay angry.
i dare ya.

happy june ♥

-bird